Male Phobia
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
  This girl, and her mobile phone
Since I lost my phone charger, I've been using this other girl's phone. For quite a long time during my occupation of it, I was very often annoyed by the amount of msgs she stored in her phone memo, which limited the amount I could save my exboyfriend's sweet words. However, I had never been very curious in the content of the msgs. Not till today. This morning I was deleting the msgs my ex sent me. I was doing it respectfully - not just click 'delete all', but in a 'view - delete? - yes' style. As if it's some sort of ritual to bury away the fading relationship. But anyway, I thought it was rather painful, so I decided to do something naughty in reward to my being brave. That's why I started reading her msgs. Her phone book was unloaded, so I had no faintest idea who was sending these things for her. One thing I was sure about is that one in three of those 165 messages are from different senders. And I'm almost sure they are all her wooers, wooers from different cultures that writing English in different ways. According to their messages, she's this sexy honey working in KFC and wear tiny sleepingtie when she goes to bed, and she has nice bum. And nothing more than that, surprisingly repetitive among the variety of competitors. All of those mentioned features I know - she's my best friend. I feel more familiar with her than any guy on the msg list. I think that's why they apologise so much, because they have no idea what they are talking about, who is that girl they are talking to, so they panick when she replied whatever that were not expected. Do they know she could feel the despair of death when her breasts are fondled? Do they know she locked herself in the room for a week after one of her ex left her? Do they know she used to compel herself to vomit all the food she ate? Do they know she likes to stay in dark with the dim light of her lamp even when it's a bright sunny day her closed curtain kept her away with? I guess they don't. But they just go ahead and beg for her love, saying same words and following same rituals - goodnight before bed, good luck before exams, booking important dates and so on so on. Obviously, she had this heavy traffic during Valentine's day. When I was out dining with my only boyfriend, she was headaching to decide which one to go with, and more importantly, how to orientate the traffic so that there wouldn't be a single accident. Now sleeping somewhere with one of her long term boyfriend, she's trying to unplug her computer in order to make it unaccessable for this boyfriend, so that he won't find out her email account is jammed with other sweet words. These email are from her fiance. Yes, she's engaged as well. Her map of relationship is so complicated and so eventful that it is amazing how she has managed it so well - All the competitors are so far so obsessed to be sticked down in this spidernet. This super girl has absorbed as much love as she could, and that's how she survive without sufficient sunshine and food. I feel in love with her, too, after the exploration of her own private tactic to manage her life and the lives of her men. And the word love, is once again proved to be not sophisticated at all - it's an event consisted with words and action where everyone follows similar fashion.

Pig L, right?
And the men she does this to? Everyone leads their own life. Maybe some of these people really are in love with her, and why not? Are only women capable of love? It sounds like your friend (argh no you see you should avoid telling her location because now I know who she is :'() has very low self-esteem and is incapable of love. Instead she is setting one man off against the other and playing a very dangerous game. I feel very sorry for her "long-term boyfriend" because he's being cuckolded. She's not treating him right at all.

But you don't have any sympathy for any of these men. Why? Because you've had a look at a few text messages. But come on Peng! You don't know their feelings from their text messages. Nor can you ever know their feelings. And it's a shame that you take such a dim view of them based upon a few text messages. I find it ironic that you're defending your friend here (who, by the way, doesn't deserve to be with her long-term bf) by claiming to know her and her pain and yet you're not willing to give any of these men the benefit of the doubt?

What happens one morning when her boyfriend, who is presumably loyal, wakes up with a sexual disease he should be having? Or what happens if he finds out. How would he feel? Do you care about that? How his heart might be shredded. How painful it would be for him to know that he was being made a fool for so long? He might not lock himself in a room for a week, but he'll feel the pain.

I hope you can see that.
As a habbit of mixing real life with my fictional delusions, I think I might have exaggerated her life a little bit. She's very nice to her boyfriends anyway. I just found the repetition in the texts very interesting, and I didn't write upon any moral stance or sympathy to anyone. It's just... interesting to see things from not what she told me and her boyfriends told me, but the evidence of such love.
Well I don't know how many she's stringing along at once, but there are probably one or two who really have genuine feelings for her. And it is such a shame for them to be cheated in this manner. Lots of pain to be had by all.
It's not that she doesn't have genuine feeling for any of them. It's just she's not got that sort of commitment for one single person. Some people are born like that. It's not their fault by not acting the same as other people.

Anyway, it is half fictional personality anyway. Any I gonna write about more girls in this blog just as a practice for my further writing. So don't take it too seriously.
perhaps they are similar because of the premise under which they are started and the subsequent map of 'exactly' what is going to happen, in effect the opposite of 'dealing' with them: there is a restriction of responsibility and uncertainty.
she must have told a lot of things to the people though - is that the half fiction of the personality?
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