Male Phobia
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
  S and SS
12 o’clock midnight, S and SS decide to stay up in this huge Karaok suite. They are having problem to find the key in singing the songs. It’s not that they don’t sing well – they have been in there for hours and hours so now they have run out of the songs in charge. S tries to explain to SS that she stays here not because she’s sad, but just for the Kubrick decorating style of this Karaok building. SS argues that filming colourful backgrounds is also the characteristics of Greenaway, and she knows S never likes Greenaway. And she wins this round. S’s colourful facial expression immediately becomes grey, so she grabs the half bottle of beer she left on the desk two hours ago, and starting to drink the slightly soured liquid one more time. S never drinks alcohol, but her face is somehow very grey as well, so she can only grab the micphone again and to sing this song she never sings before in a very loud way as if she’s the pig under the butcher’s knife.

The music video played on the huge TV screen is one of those love stories that the heroine sadly got incurable disease and she left the hero in misery for the rest of his life. It’s a fashion to film the music videos like that. Such fashion was started by the Koreans. This video copied the style and changed the song for a little bit, and remodelled the pattern to a local setting and with local casts. Both the song and the music video sell very well. Such fact evidently tells that men hope their girlfriends to be gone forever after a short happy period, so that they can have both fierce love and freedom. And women like the illusion that they would, in such way, be the only most important person in their beloved’s life. Unfortunately neither S nor SS can give up their life for the unsuccessful relationship they encounter. However, S is a little bit better than SS because she never stays with men over night, whereas SS never sleeps at home when she has a boyfriend. This, at some extend, helps men to recall S time from time. But SS’s boyfriends only remember her when she calls.

They are surely getting bored of the endless list of songs on the screen. But both of them know if they leave this room the sadness will be endless. Staying with the Karaok, at least they can read the lyrics, from which they learn the misery of the others. From what S learns not only herself alone in the world is suspicious of the sexual behaviour of the boyfriend travelling away alone. From the same stuffs SS learns not only herself alone in the world broke up with a boyfriend who then have a next girlfriend much prettier than her. They learn to get happier from the failure of the others, the delusional others.

Before they came to this huge room of Karaok, S had a big meal. She always eats a lot when she suspects her boyfriends. The pain of suspicion scratches her heart so hard that she hopes eating would make her heart stronger. SS never eats a lot when she breaks up with her boyfriends. She watched S eating like crazy.

S and SS are very good friends. They agree that the cruellest torture is loneliness, so to live without a boyfriend is not less cruel a torture. They lose their spirit when the boyfriend is mentally or physically away. They are such city girls that the only ways to reduce the pain of jealousy is the city entertainments – either disco or Karaok. And they share same morality that girls shouldn’t dress up too sexy. On the way to the Karaok, they criticised the sexy ones like crazy, as if the sexiness intoxicated their eyes.

When S and SS fall into an embarrassing silence where the music stops and they are running out of the topic of boyfriends, S gets a call from the mobile phone. Her target of suspicion comes back and he waits for her downstairs of the building. S is temporally released from the pain. SS stays. She knows her boyfriend will not come over there.

The night keeps on making the two girls busy. S is going have a lot of sex. SS is going to read more lyrics about the other female losers.

This is my LAST blog entry here. The network is a bit strange here – I can’t view the entries and the comments. But I think I will keep on writing the girl’s portrait series. If there’s anyone who happen to read this blog from time to time and want to comment or even read more, please email me at

I’m a bit unmotivated from blog writing these days. Since things I write are not expecting big publicity, it seems better to share them with myself and my friends. Things look simpler that way.

Thanks for your concern on me and my writing. See you at the funky sky!

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